Redhead

I was on UA 738 on Monday afternoon in seat 18D. Just after take-off, as soon as the seat-belt sign clicks off, the guy in the window seat (aka "wetter") says he has to go to the bathroom, so middle seat guy ("farm boy") and I both get up to let him out. Wetter just sits there. Farm Boy and I ask him if he is going to get up and Wetter says "I'm already going". It is then that Farm Boy and I notice that Wetter has exposed himself and is urinating into the airsick bag. (and no, he wasn't drunk) I say (somewhat loudly) "holy sh**" and the flight attendant comes up to ask what's the matter since both Farm Boy and I have looks of horror on our faces. I tell the flight attendant that Wetter is urinating and the fa takes a peek - yep he is. The head fa comes down and tells Wetter that what he is doing is both unhygenic and illegal and that he will be arrested on landing. She then proceeds to find both Farm Boy and I new seats. (thank god there were two empty seats left.) I moved from 18D to 9B - yes I traded an aisle for a middle, but went from cattle to E+. Luckily the people on either side of me were relatively small and I had lots of room.

The FAs kept apologising to me but I kep telling them it wasn't their fault. They were incredibily professional and helpful to me. They gave me a free drink (boy I needed it) and abottle of wine to take with me.

I had to write a statement explaining what happened. Upon landing, we all stayed in our seats while the cops came on and took Wetter off in handcuffs. I then had to give a verbal statement to the cops as well. Now, I run to my next gate for the flight to CID

I get to the gate and the DEN-CID flight is cancelled. I immediately get on the horn to my corporate travel and get on new flights, but I still have to wait in line for 2.5 hours! to get my hotel vouchers and ensure that they don't cancel my return leg. Being unfamiliar with the DEN area, I accepted my voucher to the Radisson and get on the shuttle bus. The friggin hotel is 45 mins away. I check in and get about 3 hours of sleep before having to get up to catch my 6am flight to .........DFW. The only routing to get me to CID by noon (and nothing sooner) was via DFW on AA. So I land in DFW and take the trAAin to my other gate for the flight to CID. While on the trAAin, my nose starts to bleed. UGH. It stops only as we start to board.

I land in CID without incident and get my rental car to head to the office. About 1 hour into the meeting, my nose starts to bleed again. As I sit down in the roller chiar, the wheel gets caught in the rung and the chair pitches me into the centre of the room. Yes, very embarrassing.

Finally the day ends and I head to my hotel. As I arrive at the front desk they tell me that since I had not shown up and had forgotten to call and tell them that I would be a day late, they had given away my room and were fully booked. I just about lose it at this point but breathe deep and try to laugh. I simply tell them that they have to find me a room. Anywhere.

They called about 10 hotels. Only 1 had a room and it was a smoker. ugh no way. One more call - they find a none smoking room at a hotel which is basically a truck stop. At this point I am about to drop from exhaustion and just don't care. I take it. It was clean enough.

The next day was better but on the flight that evening from CID -DEN, my nose starts to bleed again about 20 minutes from landing. I had dry airplane air! When we land, I try to get my bag from the overhead 1 handed. Not a soul offered to help. I couldn't belive it. They were lucky I didn't conk them in the head as I was trying to balance my bag one handed.

I rush to grab dinner and run to my next flight. I get to my net gate just as they annouce a 90 min delay. Luck was not mine. My nose bleed for the next 30 minutes and finally stopped. I was able to eat my crappy airport meal.

I was blessed in that the DEN-LAX flight was otherwise uneventful and got home about midmight.

I get to do it all again on Sunday!

One mileage related question though - I was hoping to get UA miles on the whole flight since I'm close to making Premier. Will I earn UA miles on the 2 AA legs that they booked me on - or will I get AA miles? I did use my AA status to use 1st class check-in in DEN to make the flights.


(editted to add flight number)