Some airline mechanics' humor...
Apr 24, 2002, 12:57 pm
#1
Original Poster
Join Date: Nov 1999
Location: if it's Thursday, this must be Belgium
Programs: UA 1K MM
Posts: 6,483
Some airline mechanics' humor...
Apologies if you seen these before, I think they're quite funny!
"Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as squawks or
problems submitted recently by Qantas pilots to maintanance engineers. After
attending to the squawks prior to the aircraft's next flight, the maintenance
crews are required to log the details of action taken as a solution to the
pilots squawks. The following are some recent squawks and subsequent responces
by maintenance crews." (P) is the problem logged by the pilot, and (S) marks
the solution and action taken by maintenance engineers.
***
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
***
(P) Teste flight OK, except autoland very rough.
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
***
(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal - - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal
seepage.
***
(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.
***
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.
***
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.
***
(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on backorder.
***
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute decent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
***
(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
***
(P) Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for!!
***
(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine three found on right wing after brief search.
***
(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aricraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!!
***
(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.
"Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as squawks or
problems submitted recently by Qantas pilots to maintanance engineers. After
attending to the squawks prior to the aircraft's next flight, the maintenance
crews are required to log the details of action taken as a solution to the
pilots squawks. The following are some recent squawks and subsequent responces
by maintenance crews." (P) is the problem logged by the pilot, and (S) marks
the solution and action taken by maintenance engineers.
***
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
***
(P) Teste flight OK, except autoland very rough.
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
***
(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal - - #1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal
seepage.
***
(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.
***
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.
***
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.
***
(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on backorder.
***
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute decent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
***
(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
***
(P) Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for!!
***
(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine three found on right wing after brief search.
***
(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aricraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!!
***
(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.
Jul 27, 2008, 9:12 pm
#3
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 144
According to Snopes, probably not from Quantas (actually, probably not from a commercial airline):
http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp
My guess is urban legend but who knows.
http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp
My guess is urban legend but who knows.
Jul 28, 2008, 2:15 am
#5
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: London
Posts: 6,265
