For those that don't know about history... here is a condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of t he wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer! This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over t he years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history....

It should be noted a Liberal might have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to make them mad.

 

Hmmm.... you know, I think they are still telling stories about you in the Islands, too....

 

Sounds like you are making the best of it, but the lack of water has got to be a concern.

 

Cholula, I gather that Canarsie holds the official dictionary for the Lounge. Are you our official grammarian?

 

Nope. That would have to be Mrs Cholula!

On the RARE chance that he catches a mistake, Cholula just can't pass on the opportunity to give Traveller (or any of us) a hard time. (But we love him anyway. )

 

Thanks for the info, scoow! As they say, "Behind every successful man stands a surpised mother-in-law." (Voltaire)

 

And here I thought he was just a regular ole centenarian.

 

No, it's DLfan who used to live in Shreveport.

 

Surprised.

 

That's what I thought also. CTM is older than dirt!

 

Smart A$$

 

Am I ever embarrassed!!!

 

Were you able to sleep last night?

 

No. I think that I have a horrible case of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), thanks to Canarsie's insensitive behavior. I think I need an attorney STAT. Is there a litigator in the house?

 

If there is, Cholula has already put him/her on the payroll, so there would be a conflict of interest in representing you against our Founder, General Manager, Grand Poohba and Chairman of the Bored Emeritus. In fact, I thought the employment contract required agreeing to the public humiliation of Canarsie's spelling corrections?