I've been called up several times, but in MA you just keep checking the "I need a different date" box and mailing back the little card they send and eventually I would get a letter saying I am no longer needed

 

What can I say, I've been off my meds (Jack Daniels) since Sunday

 

You can only beg off once here and then you have to accept the next date.

Plus there are a gazillion freaking courts out here and they can all call you if you're a county resident.

I figured that I'd accept this date as what lame-o would be conducting a jury trial less than a week before Christmas?

I called last night expecting they'd say I didn't have to report.

Wrong.

 

Hello and thank you for calling The Office of GSW

I am with a patient at this time, so please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, p ress 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.


Have a nice day!

 

<snip>Just one case....here's what made me wonder:

People get shot all the time around here (nice, huh) and don't get tried for the death penalty...it just struck me as odd.

gsw, you simply must change your voice mail.....

 

Funny the jury duty thing has been brought up. I have been selected for the first time in my life and I am on call for the 1st quarter of 2008. I don't mind serving, if it comes up I just hope it gets me out of a trip someplace that I don't really want to go.

 

More likely it will come up while you are about ready to head out on some leisure travel.

 

It's been discussed. Award flights open up in the two week window, once the late booking fee kicks in.

 

That's a good way to look at it, but coz is probably right!

 

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy
Bubba driving a brand new pickup.

Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

' Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?'

' Carol give it to me' Bubba replied.

'She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?

'Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres. Carol pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want.'

So, I took the truck !

'Bubba, yore a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!'

 

Employee Christmas Party MEMO

Christmas Party


December 1...To All Employees
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will be held
on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of
spiked eggnog and a small band will play traditional carols...feel free
to sing-along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree.
Exchanging gifts among employees can be done at this time. Please
remember to keep gifts to the agreed $10 limit.
Merry Christmas to you and yours,
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 2...To All Employees
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday and
often coincides with Christmas (although not this year). However, from
now on we're calling this party our Holiday Party. The same policy also
applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There
will be no tree or Christmas carols sung.
Happy holidays to you and yours.
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 3...To All Employees
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate
your request but please remember that if I put a sign on the table that
reads "AA Only" you won't be anonymous any more.
In addition, we'll no longer be having a gift exchange because union
members feel that $10 is too much money. Patti Lewis, Human Resources Director
------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 7...To All Employees
I have arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest
away from the dessert table and for pregnant members to sit closest to
the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not
have to sit with gays; each group will have its own table. And, yes,
there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
Happy now?
Patty Lew is, Human Resources Director
------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 9...To All Employees
People! People! Nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to
play Santa Claus. Even if the anagram for "Santa" does happen to be
"Satan." There is no evil connation to our own little "man in a red
suit."
Patti Lewis, Human Resources Director
------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 10...To All Employees
Vegetarians! I've had it with you people. We're holding this party at
Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not. You can just sit
at the table farthest from the "Grill of Death" as you call it, and
you'll get salad bar only including hydroponics tomatoes. Tomatoes have
feelings too, you know. They scream when you slice them. I can hear
them now. I hope you have a rotten holiday. Drive drunk and die, you
hear me?
The ..... from Hell
------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 14...To All Employees
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to
her at the sanitarium. In the meantime management has decided to cancel
the Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with
full pay.
Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

 

Wow, Traveller. For real? You work for one screwed up company!

 

Yea, but I love BBQ so I'm okay with it all!

 

 

Yummy BBQ!!!

Just Prepped Dinner for tonight....

Salad with Cherry Tomatoes.....red peppers....steak.....and homemade zesty Italian Dressing!

Had to buy a cook book today (bought 2) and just had to make something from it for dinner...